I Have Been Broken & Torn Into Pieces
Hello everyone, I felt this was relevant to how many of us are feeling today. Stay strong and don’t lose faith - you will get through this.
I have been broken and torn into pieces, some that have never been found. When my sister died, I was never prepared for the tidal wave of sadness that I owned.
I ripped up the carpet in my house and painted the floors crazy colors. I put the boys on the couch and traced their outlines onto the wall. I had a wild fireplace with a different brick for each person gone from me.
I wasn't bad enough to be suicidal, but I was self destructive in other ways. I know how many of you are in dark places because some have shared your stories. I need you to know that you are brave and beautiful. I see it even if you can't yet. I promise you it's true.
I feel honored beyond words that you have been so honest about tragic events that I know are never far from your every thought. I know this because that is me. I go to the cemetery more than I admit. I still bring my sister coffee every time, exactly how she liked it, and I pour it over where I estimate she is. I bring my brother a coke and flowers. I have spent more money on these people dead, than I ever did when they were right in front of me. That is a terrible thing to have to admit, but it is the truth.
I know what pain feels like. I know loss, and have watched death more than a person should. But I love and I am fiercely loyal. I have my boys and my spouse, and without them and many of you, I don't know what I would do. That is the truth. To my friends: hang on! Have faith that somehow you will get through the day. Then do the same tomorrow. One day you won't have to remind yourself to breathe. I am banking on it.
Thank you for reading my thoughts and shining your light during this dark hour. I am humbled and happy to have you as my friends. We will talk tomorrow, I’ll bring the coffee. -Ruth