RM-K

The official site of author Ruth McLeod-Kearns

Ruth McLeod-Kearns is an advocate for opiate/heroin overdose, author, creator of the I'll Bring the Coffee blog series and a contributing writer for Things Women Want Freedom of Expression magazines.

Here, you can connect with the author, follow her social media accounts and download the thought-provoking novelettes. As always, she'll bring the coffee.

We Will Remember You

Do you remember a while ago when I wrote about my son’s break up?  I was so angry.  I could not stand to watch the pain that resonated off him.  It was palpable the hurt he had.  I knew they were young, tried to let them have room to grow, but in the end she left.  It has been slow going, but he is healing, laughs like the old days, and he is doing well.

 

Before she left, they had purchased a little baby bunny.  I was not in favor of this, but they named her Mary, after my mom, so I caved.  I have since really grown to love that rabbit.  I have been potty training her.  I have even started walking her with this harness that makes us both look a little silly. It isn’t exactly like walking a dog, it is more just keeping up with this bunny hopping through the apartment complex like we are in the wild.  It is so much fun, I feel like a kid when I play with her.

 

Yesterday, I was out walking Mary while Lex was cleaning inside.  I wasn’t intending this, but I started thinking about the girl who left and broke his heart.  In my solitude, it was apparent to me that I also really miss her.  In a small way, she broke all of our hearts.

 

I was so mad at the time, but now I realize they were both just kids.  We don’t know the best ways to go about things when we are 20.  As I gave the situation true thought, I had an admiration for a girl feeling she had to remove herself from a relationship.  She was doing what she felt best.  It was not the smoothest way to go about this, but I really think she did the best she knew how with the tools a 20 year old has at her disposal.

 

To get over my bitter feelings, I came up with all the things I appreciated about her.  To my amazement there was really quite a few things I loved about her.  Loved and grateful in fact.  I am so happy that she didn’t go through with a marriage she was not sure about.  The break was tough, it would have been ten fold worse had it been a divorce.  I am thankful she didn’t get pregnant even though being a mom is a really high desire for her.   I miss the trips that we took both with my son and by ourselves.  She was always game to try anything, and that is an attribute I really love.

 

I watched  Mary run, and I knew she would have really got a kick from watching me walk the bunny.  After we had put Mary back in the newly cleaned cage, my son and I sat down and talked.  He had asked me if they ever could be friends again, or even date would I be supportive.  My first answer was an absolute “NO!”  That was when I remembered that he looks to me to see how to handle adult situations that he is just now learning how to do.

 

I told him yesterday that if they ever were friends, even if they were to date again, that I would support him.  I admitted that I too actually missed her as well, and had and in ways have a part of my heart that loves and misses her.  I certainly wish her the very best in this life.  I hope she meets the best guy for her and has the wedding she dreamt of so many times.  To be the nurse she worked so hard to get, and to one day be a mom.  She will be a great mom.

 

Her ability to love is large.  I know she would re-do things if it were an option, but life just  doesn’t work like that.  Once those words leave us, they can never be unheard.  The way we leave, scatters a trail of pain that perhaps could have been lessened.  But when you are that age, choices and decisions are not always well handled.

 

He is learning from me to learn how to react when angered, or hurt.  I didn’t model the best behavior.  I do not ever see her standing at my door asking for me to be alright with her.  I think she may be a little scared of my reaction.  It is a valid fear because she knows how protective I tend to be towards the guys, for my family.  But she was my family for years.  A mother doesn’t just turn that off, we shouldn’t even try.

 

Di, thanks for all the laughs.  For being the one to try to boogie board with me.  For taking trips and laughing at the silly ideas we would come up with.  I miss you, but I understand you did what you felt you needed to do.  I can’t fault that.  I think you are a smart beautiful girl, and I hope life gives you everything you deserve.

 

We will always be grateful for the time you had with us.  I admire you, I really do.  Lex is fine.  He is a kind man and I know he will never forget the first love in his life.  Thanks for the great times my friend.  Live and love with fervor!  I will always be a fan of yours, I will always love you like a daughter.  You were that to me, and I am better because of having you in my life.  Blessings and peace.  Mom.

 

Everybody have a great weekend!  Support Indie writers, and we will talk again next week.  I will be posting from Denver.  If you live there, shout out, we love to meet readers when we can.  Ruth

*Center for Disease Control and Prevention, "Understanding the Epidemic: Drug overdose deaths continued to increase in 2015", 12/16/16