RM-K

The official site of author Ruth McLeod-Kearns

Ruth McLeod-Kearns is an advocate for opiate/heroin overdose, author, creator of the I'll Bring the Coffee blog series and a contributing writer for Things Women Want Freedom of Expression magazines.

Here, you can connect with the author, follow her social media accounts and download the thought-provoking novelettes. As always, she'll bring the coffee.

She Had Karma!

Karma:  This is the rule of life. Whatever it is that you give, that is what you will receive.  In my life, I have seen this actually be the case in  the life of one person.  My cousin who loved me completely without asking anything in return.  When my family had crazy spots, when my mom would lose her way, it was Becky who took care of me.  No not financially, for she was just a year and a half older than I.  But she took blows that were meant for me.  She took the lead in fights that I started, knowing I couldn’t finish it.  I knew she always had my back.

When she grew up, she took off on her own.  Before she left, we had been in some legal trouble.  So much more than I realized at the time, but she did.  Instead of doing finger pointing, or relinquishing information in exchange for less trouble, she took all of the blame.  It was a big enough deal that she actually went to jail for it.  My name was never mentioned. Years later, I asked her why she did that.  She said “did what?”  I started to explain and she stopped me.  “I did nothing.  Nothing.”  We never spoke of it again.

Becky lived a genuinely hard life.  A lot of the grit, which was a direct result of the drugs she took when she was younger, the motorcycle gangs that turned into her family for awhile.  I really have never known anybody my entire life who had been more wild, flirted in the illegal world, or who had seen the real life dramas that the rest of us only see in the movies.  She actually lived that life.

When she was in the depth of her drug use, I found out much later that she had been to town and would stop in and visit my mom.  This happened several times.  I know they did help her financially, more than once.  In those visits, she would never let me know she was around.  This really hurt when I found out.  It wasn’t until I realized that she had done so just to protect me from the life she had slipped into.  She knew I was a follower, and she was the leader.  For our entire lives, it was that way.  She made the choice to protect me from herself, the person I loved more than anybody else. That is true love.

She did eventually become clean, and returned to my family.  My boys always loved Becky.  She never married or had her own children, so she took the love of three guys who called her aunt, even though she was in fact a cousin.  She took them as her own.  They were loving and generous, and they accepted the second mother role she fell into perfectly.

What does this have to do with karma?  She may have made some poor choices, but she was all good in her heart.  If she loved you, there wasn’t a truer friend in this world.  I was not the only person who knew this.  She would receive gifts of free dental work from old friends she had helped through the years.  She was lucky in many instances that she should not have been, but I know that when the light of luck shined squarely on her, it was because of the unconditional love that she showed others.  It came back to her ten fold.  It was how she lived in the last years.  She converted to Buddhism.  She followed the simplicity of the life taught by his lessons.  It served her well, and she turned into a very peaceful person.

Becky died April 1, 2011.  I had just flown in from Ohio, and I saw Rob and Kate there to pick me up.  I knew something terrible had happened when I saw the look on Rob’s face.  He couldn’t meet my stare.  It was Kate who told me that Becky had passed away.  She was 49.

My second novelette “Weeds” is about her.  I can honestly say she was the best friend I ever had.  She was true to me to a fault.  She even took herself out of my life when she lived in dark and a drug-filled existence.  She loved me just that much.  I don’t know why somebody like her would have to leave so soon.  I just can’t understand that.

Today, she would have been 53.  I can’t even imagine the fun we should be having today, instead of holding our memories in the palm of my heart and try to keep it from falling apart.  But that is the way it is.  When I start to get angry, I look at some quotes in a book she had written little tidbits for me.  Her favorite?  “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else:  you are the one who gets burned.”  Buddha    She lived by that, and it served her well.

She was a shining star that was streaking by when I needed her the most.  I don’t know that I deserved her, but she was there all the same.  The day of her funeral, we went to the Buddhist temple in Los Angeles.  She loved that place.  Rob placed her funeral cards under rocks, in several hiding places that would be discovered at different times by different people.  It would no doubt be someone who needed an angel.  We shared ours.

Happy Birthday, Becky Sue.  I will always love you!  I am grateful I had you to protect me, a little girl with a huge mouth and attitude.  I even thank you for leaving my life when you thought it was best for me and my young family.  I am watching out for your dad.  But I suspect he will be at your side sooner than later.  It will be a great moment for you, a sad one for us.  But you will be in heaven.  You deserve it!  That is karma.

Everybody have a great week. Remember to support indie writers, we will talk again tomorrow.  Ruth

*Center for Disease Control and Prevention, "Understanding the Epidemic: Drug overdose deaths continued to increase in 2015", 12/16/16