Keep the Love Alive
One of the things I love the most about running this page is the responses from my readers. I absolutely read every single one. Throughout the last year, I have begun to see patterns. One such example would be how the majority of you feel about long lasting marriages. Your stories are so beautiful and the memories that you share are inspiring. My parents didn’t stand alone in their sixty year union.
Isn’t this what dreams are made from? The wedding that is so lovingly planned with only the highest aspirations from both parties. The joy of telling the world that you have found the person whom you choose to walk down life’s path with. I certainly hope your day was - or will be - one of the absolute highlights of your life. Enjoy it, for things have the capacity to change so much faster than you ever thought possible.
Remember the movie “Date Night”? It was funny because it was true. No, most of us won’t be driving while our husband straddles the hood of the expensive sports car Mark Wahlberg loaned to you (without his shirt). I am referring more to the beginning scene where they realize it’s the night and have to force themselves to go. Suicide seemed like the better option. That scenario is far more likely to visit our homes.
Every couple has hard times. If your parents didn’t tell you that, I’m sorry, but it is true. You are two separate people with two sets of everything else: two ideologies, two religious beliefs, two ideas on heaven. All of this is not only alright, but it’s needed. Don’t change yourself to be like the other, it will only become resentment. Never sell your soul to anybody or anything. Be exactly who you are.
With that being said, unless what needs to be changed is an absolute puncture to your core being, compromise. You aren’t always right, nor is your husband/wife. But the more important lesson is that being right doesn’t always matter. Relationships aren’t a sprint, rather a long journey. Choose the things to be critical of, and don’t say they’re wrong because it differs from your beliefs.
What I tell my sons is simple: the most important thing is to stay in love. This won’t happen easily nor automatically, but it must have priority. Never leave home without kissing your spouse goodbye and saying “I love you”. This is incredibly important and there should never be an exception. You never know if that moment will be the last time you will see this person. This life is temporary, and we are fragile.
Try to not be mad for too long. However, I won’t say “never go to bed angry”, if you fight at 10pm, it may be harder than you’d think. Just try and make up as soon as possible and keep in mind what really is more important.
Not every marriage will work out, but if kids are involved, try and keep it civil. Sometimes hurt takes awhile to be withstood, but never stop trying. For those who are still married: leave a love note on your spouses pillow before you leave and say “I love you” often. Remember the day that you promised to love them until death do you part. It will be worth it. Love, is always worth it.
Have a great day. Be good to the one you love. We will talk again tomorrow. I will bring the coffee. -Ruth
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